Understanding Consent: Why It’s More Than Just a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’

Consent is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship—whether romantic, sexual, or platonic. Yet, many people still misunderstand what consent truly means. It’s often reduced to a simple “yes” or “no” at a single moment in time. But in reality, consent is so much more than that.

Consent is enthusiastic, informed, and ongoing. It’s about respect, communication, and mutual agreement in every interaction. It ensures that all parties involved feel safe, comfortable, and empowered in their choices.

Unfortunately, harmful misconceptions about consent continue to perpetuate misunderstandings, leading to situations where boundaries are ignored or violated. It’s time to break down those myths, clarify what real consent looks like, and learn how to foster a culture of respect in all relationships.

What Is Consent?

At its core, consent is the clear and voluntary agreement to engage in any activity. It must be given freely, without pressure, manipulation, or fear. True consent involves these key elements:

-Freely Given – Consent should never be forced, coerced, or obtained under pressure. A “yes” given out of fear or intimidation is not real consent.

-Enthusiastic – Consent should be given with genuine excitement and willingness. If someone hesitates, seems uncomfortable, or is unsure, that is a sign that they do not fully consent.

-Informed – Both parties should fully understand what they are agreeing to. If new information changes the situation, consent must be re-established.

-Specific – Saying “yes” to one thing does not mean saying “yes” to everything. Consent is needed for each step and can be revoked at any time.

-Ongoing – Consent is not a one-time agreement. It should be checked in regularly, especially in intimate situations.

A helpful way to remember consent is through the acronym FRIES (Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific).

Breaking Down Common Misconceptions About Consent

There are many harmful myths about consent that need to be addressed. Let’s break them down:

1. “If they don’t say no, it means yes.”

-Wrong! Silence, hesitation, or passivity does not mean consent. A person may freeze in fear, feel pressured, or be unsure how to respond. If someone is too uncomfortable or afraid to say "no," that does not mean they are saying "yes."

-Example: If someone is being pressured into a situation they don’t want, they may feel paralyzed or unable to verbally refuse. Consent should always be clear, enthusiastic, and voluntary—not something that has to be forced out of someone.

2. “Once someone gives consent, they can’t take it back.”

-Wrong! Consent is ongoing and can be withdrawn at any time. Just because someone agreed to something earlier does not mean they are obligated to continue if they no longer feel comfortable.

-Example: If someone initially agrees to be intimate but later feels uneasy and wants to stop, their partner must respect that decision immediately. Consent is never permanent—it must be actively maintained.

3. “Being in a relationship means automatic consent.”

-Wrong! Being married, dating, or having been intimate before does not mean someone automatically consents to any future activities. Consent must always be asked for and respected, every time.

-Example: Just because two people are in a long-term relationship does not mean one partner is entitled to the other’s body. Consent must be reaffirmed each time.

4. “If someone was flirting, they were asking for it.”

-Wrong! Flirting, dressing a certain way, or even engaging in physical affection does not equal consent for sex or any other activity. People have the right to set boundaries and change their minds at any time.

-Example: Someone might flirt, kiss, or dance with another person but still not want anything further. Their personal boundaries must be respected.

5. “If someone is intoxicated, their ‘yes’ still counts.”

-Wrong! A person who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs cannot legally give consent. If someone is too impaired to make a clear and conscious decision, it is not consent—it is coercion or assault.

-Example: If a person is extremely drunk at a party and cannot make rational decisions, any sexual activity with them is not consensual. If someone is too intoxicated to drive, they are too intoxicated to give consent.

Understanding Consent in Different Scenarios

Consent is not just about sex—it applies to many aspects of life. Here are some examples:

-In Friendships: Even in non-romantic relationships, consent matters. People have different comfort levels with physical touch and personal space.

-Example: A friend might not like hugs, so always ask, “Would you like a hug?” instead of assuming it’s okay.

-Example: Taking photos or videos of a friend and sharing them online without their permission is a violation of their privacy. Always ask first.

-In Romantic Relationships: Consent is just as important in relationships as it is in casual encounters.

-Example: Just because a partner said yes to intimacy once does not mean they are obligated to always say yes. Consent must be checked in on regularly.

-Example: If someone feels pressured to say yes to keep their partner happy, that is coercion, not real consent.

-In Work or Power-Dynamic Situations: When there is a power imbalance (such as between a boss and an employee, or a teacher and a student), consent can be complicated. The person in the lower position may feel like they have to say yes to avoid consequences.

-Example: If a manager asks an employee on a date, the employee might feel pressured to accept, fearing they could lose their job or face retaliation. This isn’t true consent.

-In Online Interactions: Consent applies to digital spaces as well.

-Example: Sending explicit photos without permission is a form of harassment. Always ask before sending or sharing intimate content.

-Example: If someone shares a private conversation, messages, or photos without consent, it violates personal boundaries and trust.

-In Everyday Interactions: Consent is important in day-to-day life.

-Example: Borrowing someone’s belongings, like a jacket or a car, requires asking first.

-Example: Touching someone’s hair, belly (especially for pregnant people), or body without permission is a violation of personal space. Always ask before initiating any kind of physical contact.

Consent is About Mutual Respect

Consent is not just a box to check—it’s about ongoing communication, respect, and care for others. When we shift our understanding from a simple “yes” or “no” to a continuous dialogue of respect and safety, we create healthier relationships and a safer world.

By educating ourselves, challenging misconceptions, and fostering open conversations, we can help make consent the standard—not the exception.

Let’s commit to a world where every “yes” is enthusiastic, informed, and freely given. Because consent is not complicated—it’s about human dignity and respect.